Fuck is perhaps one of the most interesting and exciting words in the English language. Fuck is the one magical word which just by its sound can describe pleasure, pain, hate, and love. Fuck comes from the German word, “frikon”.

In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories.

* Fuck can be used as a verb both transitive (he fucked her) and intransitive (she was fucked by him).
* a active verb (he really gives a fuck),
* a passive verb (she really doesn’t give a fuck),
* an adverb (she is fucking interested in him) and
* a noun (she is a fine fuck).
* an adjective (she is fucking beautiful).

As you can see there is a whole lot of real versatility with “fuck”. It pops up everywhere. Besides its sexual connotation, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations:

* GREETING – How the fuck are you?
* FRAUD – I got fucked by that crook;
* DISMAY – Oh, fuck it!;
* TROUBLE – I’m fucked now!;
* CONFUSION – What the fuck?!;
* AGGRESSION – “Fuck you!”;
* DISGUST – “Fuck me”
* DESPAIR – Fucked again!;
* PHILOSOPHY – “Who gives a fuck?”
* INCOMPETENCE – “He’s a real fuck-off”;
* DISPLEASURE – “What the fuck is going on here?”
* NUMEROLOGY – “Sixty-fuckin’-nine”;
* LOST – “Where the fuck are we?”
* DISBELIEF – “Unfuckingbelievable
* RETALIATION – Up your fucking ass!”
* REBELLION – Fuck it!;
* DISPLEASURE – What the fuck’s going on?;
* SATISFACTION – fuck me again!

Also as:

* DESCRIPTIVE ANATOMY – “He’s a fuckin’ asshole!”
* TO TELL TIME – “It’s six-fucking-thirty.”
* PREDICTION – “Well, I’ll be fucked!”
* A POLITICAL STATEMENT – “Fuck Washington”
* INCESTUOUS – “Motherfucker”
* A PUT DOWN – “Fuck off, buster!”
* ALL ENCOMPASSING – “Fuck ‘em all!”
* GOVERNMENTAL AFFAIRS – “Fuck the IRS”
* A POKER HAND- “A royal fuck”
* TO START A RELATIONSHIP – “Let’s fuck now!”
* AS AN ACCEPTANCE – “Fuckin’ eh!”
* ENJOYMENT – “Fuckin’ Wow!” “
* A CLOSING – “Fuckingly yours”.
* MATERNAL – “Motherfucker”
* POLITICAL – Fuck Clinton!!

Never forget the quotes of some famous people in our history and in the present:

* Michelangelo: “You want me to paint what on the fucking ceiling”
* George Custer: Where did all these Fucking indians come from?
* Einstein: “Any fucker can understand that”
* Mayor of Hiroshima: What the fuck was that?
* Heidi Fleuss: Fuck these celebrities!
* Mayor Richard Daley: Fuck the heat – - Chicago IL
* John Wayne: “Fuck death and the lung cancer he rode in on.”
* Bill Clinton: What the fuck’s this inhaling thing?
* Oliver North: You’re all fucking liars!
* Sean PennFuck: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck etc.
* Eddie Murphy: Fuck you, Fuck you, and Fuck you. Who’s next?
* Jack Nicholas: Fuck this for a lark, 1995 British Open

And last but not least, the immortal words of the captain of the Titanic, who said “Full speed ahead and fuck the iceberg” and five minutes later said “Where is all this fucking water coming from?

The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses of the many creative uses of the word. How can anyone be offended when you say “FUCK”? Use fuck in your daily speech proudly. Fuck adds prestige to any conversextion. Put this colorful four letter word to work for you. Today tell someone you know “fuck you” … or “Let’s fuck!”

This is a disclaimer. We know the origin of the word FUCK. When the puritans settled what is now Salem, they had this issue about pre-marital sex, they didn’t approve of it. Not that it should matter to anybody except the two or three etc people are involved in in the privacy of their own home. Well these butt-inskies decided that sex should be a crime, and orgasms should be outlawed. Strange, how they thought they had the right to suppress one of God’s greatest gifts while doing this in the name of God. Well If two people were caught in the act of having sex or even thinking about having sex they were brought to trial.

If they were found guilty the crime they were committed of was “For Under Carnal Knowledge”. They were put in the stockades and their crime was also carved in a piece of wood and placed over their heads. This was before the printing press or even before Black and Decker and God forbid Craftsman power tools (I like Craftsmans tools, even my chain saw is Craftsman). So all carving in wood had to be done not only by hand, but with handmade tools. Since they couldn’t run over to England or Germany very easily, they didn’t have any airplanes yet either, they had to try to conserve their tools and time. Just imagine carving the whole thing out when they could be out looking for young lovers to lock up or witches to burn at the stake. So they invented the acronym, which is a word or letter abbreviations for longer phrases. So if you were caught fucking around, and found guilty, you had the word F.U.C.K placed over your head while you spent time in the stockades. That is where the word came from and that is how it is associated with screwing. So please don’t E-mail me and tell me that Fuck is not a German word. I fucking already know that. This is a joke, it is something to be laughed and enjoyed, I hope. By the way, I also know that the first part is not really correct either. If you want to bitch about this letter, Fuck You and go to alt.bitch.about.anything and complain.

WHO AM I?

I was born in one country, raised in another. My father was born in another country. I was not his only child. He fathered several children with numerous women.

I became very close to my mother, as my father showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early age from cancer.

Later in life, questions arose over my real name.

My birth records were sketchy and no one was able to
produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.

I grew up practicing one faith but converted to Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country, but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn’t follow Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.

I worked and lived among lower-class people as a young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared about them.

That was before I decided it was time to get serious about my life and I embarked on a new career.

I wrote a book about my struggles growing up before.

It was clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.

Incredibly, I wrote my autobiography before I had accomplished anything notable.

I became active in local politics in my 30′s, and then with
help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as a
candidate for national office in my 40′s.

They said I had a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything.
That reinforced my conceit.

I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history, and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks.

I drew incredibly large crowds during my public appearances.
This bolstered my ego.

At first, my political campaign focused on my country’s foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.

But what launched my rise to national prominence were my views on the country’s economy. I pretended to have a really good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would be fed & housed for free.

I knew which group was responsible for getting us into this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight.

I called mine “A People’s Campaign” and that sounded good to all people.

I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from outside the traditional path of politics & was able to gain widespread popular support.

I knew that, if I merely offered the people ‘hope’, together we could change our country and the world.

So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include “persecuted minorities” like the Jews. My true views were not widely known & I needed to keep them unknown until after I became my nation’s leader….

I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply read my writings and examined those people I associated with. I’m glad they didn’t.

Then I became the most powerful man in the world.

And the world learned the truth.

Who am I?

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I AM ADOLF HITLER.

WHO WERE YOU THINKING OF?

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don’t send this to at least 8 people….Who cares?

written by George Carlin